Words that Kill: Avoid These Words that Will Destroy Your Destiny
One of your greatest tools of influence is found right in your mouth.
The tongue is an incredible weapon that has the power to produce great blessing or great destruction. It is small but it is powerful. As a result, it is easy to underestimate the potential consequences of an untamed tongue. “Words kill, words give life; they’re either poison or fruit—you choose” (Prov. 18:21 MSG). Make no mistake about it, what you say matters. Each day, the words you choose to utter to others and to yourself can affect the quality of your life and theirs. As Peter wrote, “For he that will love life, and see good days, let him refrain his tongue from evil, and his lips that they speak no guile” (1 Pet. 3:10).
We live in a society today that promotes gossip and celebrates careless and critical speech. Tabloids, talk shows, entertainment shows, and comedians, to name a few, often increase their popularity by attacking, slandering, and making fun of other people. The paparazzi swirl around the famous, looking to catch some private bit of information that they can use as entertainment for the masses. These practices have been normalized in our culture. It’s normal to be critical, to gossip, to curse, and to tear down others. This mass desensitization has caused many to misuse the influence the Lord has given them and to negatively impact their world. Regardless of whether everyone else is doing it, we will each individually give an account on how we have chosen to use our mouths. Jesus warned:
But I say unto you, that every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgement. For by thy words thou shalt be justified, and by thy words thou shalt be condemned (Matthew 12:36–37).
This is one of the reasons that the Word tells us to continually renew our minds to the Word of God (see Rom. 12:1–2). If our thoughts line up with God’s Word, then our words are sure to follow. We are all like sponges; whatever is soaked up is what will come out when the pressures of life arise.
A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart brings forth evil. For out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks (Luke 6:45 NKJV).
We have spent a great deal of time discussing the importance of guarding our hearts, but it still bears repeating: What you allow to settle into your soul and your mind can be the difference between a life of joy and peace and a life of destruction and deprivation. Always strive to keep the conditions of your heart pure and guard your thought life. What you think on leads to what you will say and do. What you say and do will lead to what you experience in this life.
The Power to Destroy
Words have the power to hurt and harm. James uses the word fire to describe the tongue. Fires often start off small and can quickly grow to become an enormous inferno. Even the smallest of words can have a lifetime effect on the hearer. I am sure we have all spoken words that we wish we could take back, but the truth is, they cannot be taken back. Many beautiful relationships have been destroyed by a few unwise words that led to major wars. “The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing” (Prov. 12:18 NIV).
During the first few years of my marriage, I noticed that a certain compliment seemed to make my husband feel uncomfortable. I am head over heels in love with him. He is a beautiful man both inside and out with lovely dark chocolate skin, which is one of my favorite things about him. His skin tone is amazing, and I often tell him that. However, in the beginning, his responses to those compliments were sheepish and downright awkward. After witnessing his response over several occasions, I sat down with him to inquire about it. To my surprise, he began to share about his childhood school years. He shared how he was often the darkest skinned person in his class and that the children relentlessly teased him and made fun of his complexion. It turned out that my preference for his skin color directly challenged an inward insecurity that had formed as a result of those children’s insults all those years ago. Words, indeed, are powerful.
This is why Paul counsels:
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen (Ephesians 4:29 NIV).
When we allow ungodly communication to fill our tongue, we are doing the opposite of bringing benefit to the listener. We are, in fact, bringing destruction. Beware of the words you speak to your children, your friends, your spouse, and your loved ones; your words are either adding to or subtracting from their wellness.
Another characteristic about fire that is worth noting is that fire will only burn if fuel is feeding it. “Without wood a fire goes out; without gossip a quarrel dies down” (Prov. 26:20 NIV). When fire has fuel, it will quickly reproduce itself. That’s how gossip grows: quickly. Have you ever played the game where you start with a phrase that is whispered one by one down through a line of people? By the time it gets to the last person, often the phrase has been completely altered. When you engage in gossip, what may have started off as something small can take on a life of its own, leaving pain and destruction in its wake. Not only are you engaging foolishly, but you are fueling strife and mischief that often is difficult to reverse. “The words of a gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to the inmost parts” (Prov. 18:8 NIV).
Fires thrive on oxygen, and they quickly dissipate when that source is removed. Any significant relationship will have disagreements. We still live in a fallen world, and inevitably squabbles arise. You may not have started the fire, but what you put into it determines the ferocity of it. “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Prov. 15:1 NKJV). It is so easy, in a heated moment, to feel justified in shooting your mouth off and inflicting the pain you are feeling on the other person. However, even in a heated argument, you have great influence, and you have a choice about how you use it. Sure, you can keep the insults coming, but the damage of words sown in anger can be the death of the relationships God has given you. Your response is crucial to extinguishing the flames that are intent on destroying your life. “Sin is not ended by multiplying words, but the prudent hold their tongues” (Prov. 10:19 NIV).
The Grace to Build
A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver (Proverbs 25:11).
A beautiful way to use your influence is to use your words to build others up. It not only brings healing to their souls but to yours as well. I love the description of this verse, as I can envision apples of gold surrounded by silver. To get the full scope of this verse, I looked up some benefits associated with apples. They are nutritious, support weight loss, provide benefit to the heart, reduce risk of disease, promote gut health, and help to protect the brain. Wow! What amazing context that brings to wise words. They provide substance we are called to speak life into them, not death. Many hurting adults struggle in their daily lives because of the dissenting words spoken over them as children. In that same manner, we can raise strong children who will flourish as adults because of the godly and encouraging words spoken over them. “The soothing tongue is a tree of life, but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit” (Prov. 15:4 NIV).
Perhaps you are the one who could use life spoken into you. Never underestimate the power of your tongue over your life. Maybe you’re not in an uplifting environment, but you can look in the mirror and encourage yourself. The words you hear have a great effect on your heart, so put God’s Word in your mouth and speak it often and loudly so that you may hear it and be comforted. Use your influence wisely, even over yourself, and allow God to build the great queen that He has birthed in you.
